By Thomas Danjuma Abu
There is a quiet grief many parents and elders carry today. It does not shout or trend, but it lingers—each time teenagers behave like adults before learning how to be children, each time values are replaced with fleeting fashions, and each time society applauds what it once corrected. What we are witnessing is not merely a change in fashion or attitude, but a deeper shift in moral architecture. The foundations that once guided childhood are being loosened, sometimes carelessly, sometimes deliberately, and often without fully considering the long-term consequences. This is not simply a generational disagreement; it is a moral question about how a society prepares its young for adulthood, and it should concern anyone who cares about the future beyond the present moment.
In the 1980s and 1990s, childhood was shaped by structure and clearly defined authority. Parents decided what their children wore, where they went, and how they appeared in public. These decisions were not widely perceived as oppression, but as stewardship. Clothing was chosen for decency rather than display, grooming for neatness rather than rebellion. Children did not negotiate authority or define themselves prematurely; they grew gradually under guidance, correction, and example. There was wisdom in this approach, captured succinctly in the scriptural reminder, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Guidance was understood not as punishment, but as preparation for the freedoms of adulthood.
Today, that order has been reversed. Children are increasingly given the language of rights without the discipline of responsibility, encouraged to choose before they have learned how to judge. What is presented as empowerment often amounts to parental withdrawal, a stepping back driven by fear of being labeled strict, by exhaustion in a demanding world, or by a culture that discourages moral correction. The effects are visible in everyday life. Markets openly display clothing that sexualizes bodies still in formative stages of growth. Mannequins wear outfits once confined to adult spaces, now normalized for teenagers. Young people move through boutiques and social spaces unsupervised, selecting identities stitched in fabric, with few adults asking whether these choices are appropriate or premature.
We call this civilization, yet civilization is not defined by noise, exposure, or the absence of limits. Civilization is restraint shaped by wisdom. What we increasingly see instead is silence where guidance once stood. Hotels now host teenagers, sometimes under-aged, checking in with minimal resistance, while behaviors that once raised communal concern are dismissed as private matters. But when society collectively refuses to intervene, it quietly gives consent. African wisdom has long warned against this kind of neglect. One proverb teaches that “a tree is bent while it is young,” while another cautions that “the child who is not guided by the village will grow to trouble it.” These sayings reflect a clear understanding that upbringing is not an individual experiment but a shared responsibility with shared consequences.
Modern culture insists that early, unrestricted freedom produces confidence and strength, yet experience consistently suggests otherwise. Children raised without clear boundaries often become anxious and directionless, uncertain of where limits lie because none were ever shown. Structure does not destroy creativity, just as guidance does not suppress identity. Limits do not erase freedom; they protect it. Scripture captures this paradox with quiet honesty: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful; later it produces a harvest of righteousness.” The wisdom here is not an endorsement of harshness, but a recognition that foresight often requires discomfort in the present to prevent regret in the future.
This is not an argument for a return to authoritarian parenting or unexamined tradition. Past generations were not without fault. Some parents ruled without listening, and some customs were enforced without explanation or compassion. These failures must be acknowledged. Yet the correction to excessive control is not moral silence. The alternative to unhealthy authority is not its disappearance, but its reform into something firm, fair, and humane. Children need parents who are present rather than passive, adolescents need boundaries that expand with maturity, and communities need shared standards rather than collective indifference. As the saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child,” but a village that refuses to guide cannot later complain about the outcome.
When parents withdraw, culture steps in. When families stop teaching values, trends take over. And trends do not love children, nor do they bear responsibility for the lives they influence. Civilization is not measured by how early children are exposed to adult freedoms, but by how well they are prepared to carry them. A society that hands its children freedom without wisdom may one day awaken to find it has lost its sense of direction. Both sacred scripture and ancestral wisdom converge on a single truth: the future is shaped not by how much freedom children are given, but by who guides them while they grow.
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