Cape Town – President Cyril Ramaphosa has officially crossed the floor and joined the Democratic Alliance (DA), declaring: “I always knew my blood was blue. The yellow was just a phase – like skinny jeans.”
Speaking at a hastily arranged press briefing outside Cape Town City Hall, Ramaphosa appeared in full DA regalia – jacket, cap, and a freshly ironed T-shirt that read “Better Together – Especially Without Loadshedding.”
The president explained that after years of urging ANC councillors to “learn from the DA,” he finally decided that it was easier to just join them.
“Why keep doing homework when you can just copy the clever kid’s assignment?” he shrugged, to loud applause from DA supporters.
Blue Blood, White Audits
Ramaphosa told journalists he made the decision after receiving yet another depressing report from the Auditor-General.
“I was paging through the audit outcomes when I realised: in ANC municipalities, even the numbers don’t add up. In DA municipalities, the numbers not only add up, but they even smile back at you. I thought: why deny it? My blood is blue.”
Insiders say the ANC top brass are in shock, with Gwede Mantashe reportedly fainting mid-song after hearing the news. He later recovered and accused Ramaphosa of “choosing clean audits over comradeship – a betrayal worse than eating Woolworths rotisserie chicken at an ANC rally.”
DA Welcomes New Recruit
DA leader John Steenhuisen was overjoyed, telling IOL that Ramaphosa’s defection is “proof that even ANC presidents secretly want service delivery.”
He added:
“We welcome Cyril with open arms. After all, who better to help us beat the ANC than their own president?”
Steenhuisen revealed that Ramaphosa would immediately be placed in charge of a new DA programme called Operation Copy-Paste, which teaches ANC municipalities how to run like Cape Town – but without the beaches and mountain views.
What Happens Next?
Analysts warn that Ramaphosa’s move could spark chaos within the ANC. Already, some members have threatened to burn their party cards, while others insist they’ll follow Cyril into the DA if it means finally getting streetlights fixed.
Meanwhile, Julius Malema dismissed the announcement with his trademark flair:
“We don’t care about Cyril’s blue blood. Whether he is yellow, blue or pink, he still can’t fix potholes in Limpopo.”
As for Ramaphosa, he ended his speech with a promise:
“South Africa deserves a government that works. I may have been late, but at least I arrived before Eskom did.”
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